Jane's Mailing

Dear friends,

This is the time of year when autumn gets serious. This is the time of Samhain (pronounced souwen), the Celtic marking of the end of the light half of the year (1st May – 31st October) and of entering into the beginning of the dark. It isn’t a time of gloom though. The silence of the dark is the birthplace of seeds that will bring a new beginning. Traditionally it was a time when flocks came in from the fields so families were together, working in warm rooms to prepare for winter feasts. It was also a time celebrated by bonfires, which we still do on November 5th.

The turning of the year affects us still, even with our electric lights and our imported foods. The dwindling light and gathering cold pull on the tides of our bodies. The first new piece on my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/ is a poem reflecting this.

SAMHAIN
The rain is steady.
Grey holds the day
between its cold shoulders.
Time is slowing
as leaves sow themselves
onto the ground,
waiting to turn into earth again.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/poems

Another autumn poem looking at how time differs to moths and sloths and us.

AGE
What is the age of a moth,
fluttering in darkness
and counting days in eddies
of light?
A spoonful makes the measure
of life.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/poems

Lastly, a piece enjoying the beginning of a darkening day.

DARKENING TOWARDS WINTER
My, it is dim down here, the days darkening towards winter, the sky hugging its grey close, infiltrating the air. The grey is a colour, is a sound – the sound of birds, this one and that one trilling, and further off a cawing. It is still, it feels womblike, I feel womblike wrapped in my scarf and coat. New songs from other birds complete the eggshell around. Are the plants awake? Is this light enough to fire their green cells and start to work for the day? They’re probably lingering over breakfast.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I hope you all find your own cycle in this dance between earth and sun.

Love Jane

Dear friends,

June has come, the roses are filling the air with beauty and the evenings are full of light but it is COLD. Every year is different, the growth of the flowers, the breath of the weather, all alive and not predictable. I enjoyed a lot of sun earlier on, sun and yellowing lawns as the rains stayed away. But now they are here. My honeysuckle has flowered abundantly this year for the first time, it must like these conditions, but other plants have fewer flowers than last year. Like me. I haven’t been in touch for a while as things are changing, and change is always a mixed blessing.

I am gathering all the pieces I have written over the last three years, posted on my website under ‘Words of Keeping’, into a book and seeking a publisher. The working title is ‘Wild Places’ and you can read about it on my website. http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/page/wild-places-reflective-space-soul-searchers You can also read two reviews of Inner Wellies if you follow the links on that page. I am starting a new book, a cross between Inner Wellies and Wild Places, called ‘At the bottom of the garden – a way of worship’ and I won’t be posting these pieces although if anyone is interested in viewing a few to give me feedback, let me know. That means I have less material to share which explains the hiatus in my contacting you.

So here is one I prepared before! I wrote this last summer walking back from the station past dusty ivy – you never know when the world is going to turn numinous.

OPEN
There are times when it seems the whole world lies open like an oyster’s shell, its surfaces shining instead of dull, revealing instead of hiding. Each face and leaf and shape and colour is charged like an ocean of spirit, like a thumbprint of God. All are painted with the same brush, the same loveliness, and I can feel the same life rising up in me to meet them. As they open I open, or perhaps the other way around.

To read to rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I am still writing poetry, helped by the Herga poetry group I go to once a month. I find it a good discipline to write on a given topic, and also to be critiqued.

PLAYING THE DAY
The sun
rolls into the waiting sky
as the earth tilts towards it.

Cleaning teeth, eating porridge,
feeding cats,
are prosaic ways to welcome it.

To read to rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/poems

Lastly, a book. If you enjoy reading reflections on the natural world, ‘A pilgrim at Tinker Creek’ by Annie Dillard has just been republished.

To read about it go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/books-and-heroes

I will still be updating my website regularly, and sending newsletters, just not quite as frequently as before. Have a good summer.

Love Jane

Dear friends,

It is March tomorrow and I am really looking forward to the stirrings of spring.  I can see little buds on the branches and some like the flowering currant are already opening, however it still feels wintry with grey skies, chilly air and drizzle. But yesterday the sun was out briefly and is starting to feel warm.  Winter is a challenge to me, I probably suffer from SAD in a mild way and it is not just the light that I miss but the green.  This winter I have been cocooned in my study early mornings instead of down the garden after catching a chill there, but this week I returned so here are two new pieces for my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/.

RETURN

Here I am in my gravel garden again after three months!  I have been staying away from the cold, dark, dank, bare outdoors.  February has felt particularly long and grey although the crocuses are out and the daffodils are shooting.  But hey, look at the pearly glaze in the Eastern sky where wisps of cloud are trailing the sailing sun.  Listen to the birds.  Breathe the air.  See the few drops of yesterday’s rain glistening on the hawthorn branches and the fine blades of green grass, unkempt after a winter of straggly growth and no cutting. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

THE WOMB OF MY GARDEN

I am welcomed back into the womb of my garden as if I had never been away.  It is an arbour, a harbour, a safe place.  It is where I too can grow slowly through my seasons.  I am allowed sunny and gloomy days, I am allowed to be me, to be unique and yet the same, all family under the sun, all held together by the steady shelf of land under our feet and the soaring sky.  I can share air with the ivy, the grass, the birds.  There is so much of it, fresh and sweet, charging our lungs and our lives.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

And lastly, a poem that I wrote for Wordlive about a mother’s view when her sons became disciples of Jesus.

ONE WORD

My boys, my boys!
Andrew started it,
leaving his brother to the fishing
while he went off to the River.
Crowds of them went -
John the Baptizer is a hot topic,
a prophet after all these years
of silence.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/word-live

Blessings and green growth to you all,

Jane

Dear friends,

I started writing poetic prose pieces three years ago and have recently written the 100th.  They are the pieces I call ‘Words of Keeping’ on my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/ as ‘prose pieces’ sounds rather prosaic!  They are often my reflections inspired by the natural world as I sit at the bottom of my garden each morning.  However I haven’t been down there for a couple of months since I caught a bad chill.  Things change and I am wondering what changes there might be in my writing.  I would love to see them published as a seasonal journal; prospective title: ‘Wild Places – Reflective Space for Soul Searchers’.  Here is the 100th piece, added to my website.

A BREATH OF BREEZE

Sitting still is an art, but if achieved with a sense of adventure then you can notice.  The air around me seems still too, but at the top of the window, above the radiator, the feathers of the dream catcher are gently shaking and dancing in the rising air.  If it’s rising there then it must be slowly, inexorably moving through the room. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I have been writing poems for much longer but still feel I am a beginner.  I am looking for ways to learn and improve.  The monthly group I go to in Harrow, Herga, is a help as we critique each other’s poetry.  Each month we have a theme and here are the two I wrote on ‘holidays’ and ‘trees’.

HOLIDAY

The sun is a bowl
holding heat on my skin
like love,
soaking into my bones,
into my mood
like balm.

My knots unravel,
my pressures melt away.

I am butter, oozing.
I am apple pie,
peeled and baked and brown.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/poems

SUNBATHERS

As snow blows
and we huddle in our
hoods and scarves
trees drop their leaves
and abandon last years fashion,
scattering skirts and underwear
to display their nakedness
like children on a beach.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/poems

Hot weather and cold weather – you can go from one to the other in your imagination!  Don’t forget, if you want to reply use ‘Contact Jane’ on the website don’t reply to this email.

Love Jane

Dear friends,

I expect most of you are busy getting ready for Christmas right now, but hopefully you will have time to read this when things have calmed down.  Three winter pieces to add to my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/, the first about the trees.  Have you noticed how many have still got their leaves despite the short days and the cold weather? 

HOLDING ON

It is cold and still, the air is damp and chilled.  It is dark in the garden, the sky a deep blue backdrop to the black branches.  The sun when it rises has found a different spot to bless with its favours, a new edge of earth to slowly stroke then climb from its shoulders. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

And then, of course, the snow.  We managed to bring our daughter, Joy, back from Bristol University just before the thick snow fell and covered everything in whipped cream.  The next day was Saturday and none of us needed to go out so we could all enjoy the warmth of family re-united inside and beautiful snowy scenes beyond the window.

WONDERLAND

The snow has come.  It is thick and bright, clothing the garden, trees and roads in quietness.  A gift of white, of pure essence, poured in whirling skies of wet kisses.  It transforms everything, makes the world its own, even gathering on thin twigs and coating the sides of trees.  Each bush has its own arrangement, its own sculpture.   At night it is still light, capturing the glow of street lamps and reflecting them back.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

Lastly, the joy and the hope we look forward to at Christmas which, for me, finds its fulfilment in Jesus.

SYMBOLS OF HOPE

Yesterday was the solstice, the shortest day of the year.  It hid behind the tatters of snow and the fear of more.  It hid behind the focus on Christmas and the bustle to be ready.  Silently, mysteriously, we have now moved back from the brink and are inexorably heading into the light, although it still feels the same, although the cold still hugs us like a friend.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I do hope you all have a wonderful Christmas season full of fun, rest and love.

Love Jane

Dear friends,

We are at the end of November and the snow has come.  I’ve had a cold for the last week and have enjoyed shutting myself away in the warm when it has been so cold outside.  In fact I suspect I caught it sitting outside observing and writing!  There hasn’t been much snow here (yet?) but the frost and fog have been beautiful to look at.  Of course they also make driving difficult and each morning the practical part of me scrapes and shudders while the artist sits back and enjoys the view. 

The first new piece on my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/ celebrates the fog.  Fog changes the sense of the world outside, not just how far we can see but the quality of sound and the way things feel.  It can be magical or scary, hiding the familiar and changing perspectives. 

THE HUSH OF FOG

All is hushed.  The still air has turned to pearl, wrapping the distant roofs and trees in its haze.  The fog gives everything an ethereal quality, filling vistas with a fuzziness that looks warm as a cashmere blanket but that pecks at my cheeks with a damp chill.  We are living in thin cloud, muffled from urgency, a fairy land of muted light that shines with a pale intensity. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

Secondly, the piece that did me in!  Another magic morning when there was such a contrast between the cold silver of the frost and the warm glow of the sun.

SOAKING IN SILVER

There is such love abroad this morning.  We are soaking in silver, silver wisps of cloud, silver moon that has strayed into the day on a pale-blue, ice-blue sky.  The frost has charged every surface with moon dust so it sparkles silver back to the sky like a mirror.  But the sun that seems silver as it tastes the edge of the day shines a rosy gold everywhere it looks. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

A month ago I was at Othona in Dorset for an ‘Alternative Hallowe’en’ led by Tess Ward.  It was beautiful and powerful, holding our memories of loved ones who have died (all souls), and of people who inspire us (all saints), in the context of the turn of the year.  In the Celtic calendar, the last day of October ushers in the dark half of the year (Samhain, pronounced Souwen).  This isn’t the darkness of evil but of rest, of inner work and creativity, the darkness of night, of womb, of soil that is necessary for new life. Tess and her book, ‘The Celtic Wheel of the Year: Celtic & Christian Seasonal Prayers’, and Othona have both played an important role in my spiritual journey and I have added them to my ‘Books & Heroes’ section.  Do read Tess’s book; do visit Othona. 

To read about them go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/books-and-heroes

I have written a poem on Samhain which I am not posting in case I want to submit it for a competition or publication but if you would like to read it, email me via ‘Contact Jane’ and I will send it to you.  Enjoy the slowing down and the darkness and the opportunities for reflection.

Love Jane

Dear friends,

When we were preparing to adopt Grace from China, our social worker was nervous of our being Christians as she thought it meant we would be rigid and resistant to change.  I thought at the time that the opposite was true, and am aware of it now, another autumn but we change with the seasons, life always includes an element of new.  Sometimes I wonder if there is anything new to be said as I sit at the bottom of my garden, but each day is different and we bring a different awareness to it. 

For a few months I have been experimenting with a time of meditation – not something that comes naturally to me as my mind can be so busy which is one of the reasons I was drawn to it.  I like the way the Buddhists call it ‘sitting’, so unpretentious, and my dog and I would sit together in the garden before the house woke up.  But I missed the morning pages I used to write there so returned to them this week.  Here are a couple of pieces on my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/ enjoying them again, and seeing afresh the garden around me.

REBREATHING

Here I am, alive in my beloved garden with my book and pen, my heart like a sponge soaked in sherry but ready for more.  I am witness to the morning, I have lain by its side as it slumbered and have now come to live in its light.  It rolls over me, the darkness is scattered through the garden, gathered in pockets under trees.  I can’t see the sun but the darkness is diluting, the air is a cool constant.  Twilight, neither dark not light, neither night nor day - a borderland.

To see the rest, go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

DAWN

Up at the dawn of the dawning, the yawning of the day.   It is a sallying forth to come down here as the mornings sharpen and darken.  The heat and light in the house hold me womb-like and the garden is strange territory.  But here I am, in commonality with the trees and leaves, in community.  We all sit with sleep in our systems, the warmth or cool of night in our blood, the slowness of it still heavy in our bodies, responding to the call of the day.  Come and creep over us, around us, through us.  Come and awaken with verb instead of noun, come and light our fires, stoke our boilers, prepare us for living and breathing and choosing.

To see the rest, go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

Lastly, a poem I wrote for Wordlive on 2 Timothy 3.1-9.  Not an easy passage to write on: ‘There will be terrible times in the last days.  People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money….’, a big negative list.  So I tried to make it personal – it’s so easy to point the finger at others instead of examining our own hearts.

SURELY NOT I?

Could it be me
who would let you down,
who would live
in the house of your name,
the shape of your desire,
without the heart of your spirit,
without the fruit of your love?

To see the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/word-live

Enjoy the early autumn – we still have the green decking the trees but also bright carpets of gold – wonderful.

Love Jane

Dear friends,

August has come and gone with its holiday mode and its different way of being.  I never write much in August, a holiday from writing as well as from busy things and normal commitments.  I am making the most of the summer this year, holding on to the green and goodness of it even when wet and windy.  So before it officially ends I have three summer pieces for my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/.

PACKETS OF WEATHER

The summer has packets of weather that it deals out each day, packets of rain and sun, packets of fluffy white or thickening grey cloud, packets of wind.  It is like a conductor in an orchestra – now percussion, now strings, now brass.  We are the choir, accompanying it all with our umbrellas or sunscreen, our rushing or lingering, our moaning or rejoicing.  Even the weather forecasters don’t know which packet will arrive when and where, can only predict ‘sunshine and showers’.  We are at its mercy and must keep our eye on the sky.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

One of the things I love about summer is that we can come out, out of houses, out of coats and cardies.  Summer is the big opening that we can open into.

THE NAKEDNESS OF SUMMER

The air is warm against my skin.  I love the nakedness of summer, I love the air on my skin so I am part of it, walking through nature open and transparent, not encased and armoured in layers of clothes.  I love the smell of skin when it’s been in the sun, I love feeling the breeze ripple the hairs on my arms.  Even the rain feels good like a caress.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

And lastly, today’s piece celebrating summer’s end.  The morning and evenings are cool and dark, but during the day I can sit here enjoying the mellow warmth of September sun.

THE LAST WEEK OF SUMMER

Early morning and it is back to my winter coat as I sit at the bottom of the garden.  Everywhere is wet and shiny from last night’s rain but the day is dry until a squirrel runs overhead and dislodges a shower from the branches.  The sky looks grey but there is little cloud, just lack of sun.  The brightening edge to my left fills and spills as the sun lifts over the sinking rim of earth and shines on the hawthorn, on my face.  The shade frames it like a mirror.  It is the last week of summer and autumn is nibbling round its edges.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I love feedback and correspondence.  Use ‘Contact Jane’ on my website (you can’t reply to this email) or post a comment on one of the pieces (you have to register first.).

Love Jane

Dear friends,

The summer holidays are here and everything feels different.  The days are mainly my own without school or other commitments and there is more time to relax, and to get out and explore.  One of my favourite places that I went to a few weeks ago for ‘Sacred Nature’ was Othona in Dorset.  As well as lying on the beach, or under trees, to experience nature with eyes open and shut, we learned some of the names of the common plants and insects.  This inspired me to look up the ones that dwell in my garden when I returned, and to write about them in the first new piece on my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/.

IN ACCORD WITH ITS NAME
The summer is sizzling the lawn.  The short grass has bled its green into the dry earth and has taken on its colour, brown with yellow highlights in its hair from the steady sun.  The longer blades are still green so the lawn is mottled with tufts of grass and suckers of trees, and with the green of wildflowers that have now come into their own.  Clover predominates, trefoil leaves like lace and white flower heads with russet at the roots.  In one corner I have a patch of bright yellow flowers waving in the breeze with deep purple below among the clover.  The purple I know, it is self-heal, such a powerful name for so unprepossessing a plant. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I am a sun lover.  I don’t sunbathe but I sit in it to read or write or garden, and my moods are coloured by its presence or absence.  This is not a problem when it is sunny, but can be when the clouds hold sway.  So I am working at loving the duller days too.

CLOTHING THE SUN
The sun has hidden away behind the swelling clouds that have covered the sky like a new landmass.  The air has lost its bright shine and rain has returned to dampen our gardens and our spirits.  The light is dull and life feels dull as I had got used to soaking in the sunshine and enjoying each flower and leaf and tree as it blazed against the blue.  But it will be back.  The grass will make use of this change to refire its yellow fibres with green.  And the flowers and I will wait.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

And lastly, a meditation on summer, a hymn to this wonderful season of green and warmth. 

SUMMER
I can immerse myself in the bowl of summer, feel its edges around me and sink down, down into its unfettered abandon.  The sun is loose and free, it soaks through the air, through the ground, through my skin like caramel.  The clouds are friends scattering the sky with white or bringing the rain we need to maintain the green and to open up the earth.  The days stretch into the night like a house with extra rooms added each summer, rooms to fill with all we want to do in the light and with all the occupations of nature.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I am off on holiday to Dorset and Cornwall with family and friends.  I hope you all enjoy whatever holiday you have and are refreshed and energised.  Don’t forget you can’t reply to this email – use ‘Contact Jane’ on the website.

Love Jane

Dear friends,

Summer is officially here and actually feels like it for once, sun for Wimbledon week, sun to chase away the freezing weather we had just before.  I have determined to enjoy the summer this year.  Some years it holds too many expectations and it can never measure up.  This year I will take it as it comes.

I am interested in the way external events and seasons reflect our inner world.  This summer feels different and it is not to do with the weather.  One of the things I trip up on so often is perfectionism so I am consciously cultivating gratitude as an antidote.  Very Pollyanna!

ANNOUNCED BY ROSES

Last night was the solstice but this year I stayed inside, living my life, attending to ordinary matters.  I am going to enjoy it as the official beginning of summer not the start of the longer nights, and sure enough the sun has chosen this week to warm us whereas the day before it was cold enough for autumn. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

I have two summer pieces for my website http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/ written this June, the other one from the beginning when we were away at the Isle of White for half term and it was so hot we got sunburnt (the sun took a holiday in between!).

SUMMER HAS COME IN NOW

The summer has come in now, rolled in with the start of June in sunshine banners of bright and blue and heat and golden air, filling the green fields with sparkling wine and the tight spot in my chest with smiles of arriving.

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

Lastly a piece on maps and on God.  I love maps, especially ordinance survey ones with contours, or relief maps of the continents or of the ocean floor.  My mum came in and caught me crying once as I sat looking at a map of the world and rushed over to ask what was wrong, to which I blubbered ‘I just love the planet so much’!

MAPS

I love maps.  I love the colour and shape of them, and the codes that make brown lines into mountains and black boxes into stations.  I love looking at the whole of an area laid out before me as if I was in space, as if it was my domain and I had secret information about every part of it.  I love the feeling of order they give me, and the excitement of understanding the land, and of seeing how everything relates together. 

To read the rest go to http://www.janeupchurch.co.uk/view/words

Enjoy the start of your summer.  I love to hear from you – use the Contact Jane form on the website (you can’t reply to this email), or write a comment on one of the pieces.  If you want to see photos of my roses and my new summer garden I have just posted them on facebook.

Love Jane